to think i thought life was really going perfectly well for me. i almost made cindy leave home last night. hey, i tried talking to her. i told her she could leave if she wanted. and she said she'll pack her bags, so i packed it for her. i could tell she was challenging me. she told me to put her underwear for her. and i did, next was her toothbrush. then she told me to let mum know she's leaving. i told her what was the point of telling her when she doesnt even respect mom. then she went to the toilet and cried for a very long time. and i found a letter on the table addressed to me. she said sorry to me and that she hated us cause she felt that she couldnt talk to any of us. i felt so guilty. partly because she said she couldnt talk to me like how we used to because of my work, that i was always working. she even wanted to follow me to work. mann, i just couldnt stop crying after reading that. she needed attention frm all of us, but we didnt see the signs. i feel so dispointed in myself. what kind of a sister am i? she now knows that we all cant trust her anymore. and that for me to trust her again is going to be real hard. mann, i guess i was kind of harsh to her yest. i spent like such a long time talking to her, i even cried in front of her. and i tried to be strong. haha, but i still broke down. then i went back to drawing again. i like the sight of perfection in my drawings. maybe thats why i'm always drawing when i feel down. ahh, there still are other things that i'm really bothered by, but cant write it down here. it sucks to be feeling this way. i'm really unsure of what exactly i'm angry abt. maybe i need to let go a little..

5:42 PM

to think i thought life was really going perfectly well for me. i almost made cindy leave home last night. hey, i tried talking to her. i told her she could leave if she wanted. and she said she'll pack her bags, so i packed it for her. i could tell she was challenging me. she told me to put her underwear for her. and i did, next was her toothbrush. then she told me to let mum know she's leaving. i told her what was the point of telling her when she doesnt even respect mom. then she went to the toilet and cried for a very long time. and i found a letter on the table addressed to me. she said sorry to me and that she hated us cause she felt that she couldnt talk to any of us. i felt so guilty. partly because she said she couldnt talk to me like how we used to because of my work, that i was always working. she even wanted to follow me to work. mann, i just couldnt stop crying after reading that. she needed attention frm all of us, but we didnt see the signs. i feel so dispointed in myself. what kind of a sister am i? she now knows that we all cant trust her anymore. and that for me to trust her again is going to be real hard. mann, i guess i was kind of harsh to her yest. i spent like such a long time talking to her, i even cried in front of her. and i tried to be strong. haha, but i still broke down. then i went back to drawing again. i like the sight of perfection in my drawings. maybe thats why i'm always drawing when i feel down. ahh, there still are other things that i'm really bothered by, but cant write it down here. it sucks to be feeling this way. i'm really unsure of what exactly i'm angry abt. maybe i need to let go a little..

5:42 PM
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