2nd day of break down and i'm still nowhere. i hate myself sometimes cause i give in to temptations real easily.
had a great time at sil's house last night. and for the past few days, been hanging out with her and grace. talked alot, nonsense, bitching, life everything actually. it was really refreshing to talk about how much i've grown. got me thinking real hard.

i've changed, from someone who never used to hate, critisize or bitch about others in sec 1, to someone who does all these now. i feel so bad about it. guilts setting in, but i know by tmr, it'll all be forgotten. this is how we are, as humans i guess. at the same time, i know we can never please everyone no matter how hard we try. in the past, i never really did talk about people behind their backs, always trying to be nice to everyone around me and ended up being talked about. the feelings really bad but no one feels sorry for you. thats the real world i guess. but people dont know one thing, i'm stronger than what people make me out to be, i'm not as innocent as how others think of me. its just that i choose to keep quiet.

people laugh and think i'm crazy whenever i tell them my dream and the reason why i'm doing what i'm doing now. i know its weird for someone my age going crazy over boybands and such when i should have grown out of that phase and moved on to more realistic things. i know that, i'm not an idiot, but somehow its something i dont want to let go, being a fangirl. and i believe i'll be able to reach my goal and live my dreams. ajah mandy, because so far, no one believes it'll come true except for grace. its something people who thinks practical wont understand.

bleed it out. dig it deeper just to throw it away. this post is really emo, have been thinking deep. about life right now.

2nd day of break down and i'm still nowhere. i hate myself sometimes cause i give in to temptations real easily.
had a great time at sil's house last night. and for the past few days, been hanging out with her and grace. talked alot, nonsense, bitching, life everything actually. it was really refreshing to talk about how much i've grown. got me thinking real hard.

i've changed, from someone who never used to hate, critisize or bitch about others in sec 1, to someone who does all these now. i feel so bad about it. guilts setting in, but i know by tmr, it'll all be forgotten. this is how we are, as humans i guess. at the same time, i know we can never please everyone no matter how hard we try. in the past, i never really did talk about people behind their backs, always trying to be nice to everyone around me and ended up being talked about. the feelings really bad but no one feels sorry for you. thats the real world i guess. but people dont know one thing, i'm stronger than what people make me out to be, i'm not as innocent as how others think of me. its just that i choose to keep quiet.

people laugh and think i'm crazy whenever i tell them my dream and the reason why i'm doing what i'm doing now. i know its weird for someone my age going crazy over boybands and such when i should have grown out of that phase and moved on to more realistic things. i know that, i'm not an idiot, but somehow its something i dont want to let go, being a fangirl. and i believe i'll be able to reach my goal and live my dreams. ajah mandy, because so far, no one believes it'll come true except for grace. its something people who thinks practical wont understand.

bleed it out. dig it deeper just to throw it away. this post is really emo, have been thinking deep. about life right now.