i know i havent been the best sister around. never was. and i am in total guilt about not being with her during her birthday. where was i? i was out with my friends buying materials for something that i've been planning. never really occured to me untill she called me and we had a quarrel over the phone. then i got pissed and she apologised. on the way home, i was holding in, all the tears and ok, silvia caught me tearing. i realised i was the worse kind of sister anyone can have. i deserve to be knocked down and killed. dad called me to bring her out when i came back, but she said she was tired. so here i am. she doesnt blame me but i know i've hurt her cause she was crying when i called her. i dont know, its this mixed up feeling i get.

am i expecting her to be emotionally independent like me? and that i am always ok with being alone but she isnt? she likes to tell me stuff thats happening but i dont tell her anything. am i selfish because i prefer to keep things to myself and i believe that i should solve my own problems?

i feel super duper sucky to be like that. i try and try but i just end up being what i used to be. insensitive, selfish and self centered. i've been taking and not giving. mummy says i'm selfish and she seems dissapointed in me. i never knew me not being there was bothering and meant so much to cindy. maybe she isnt as strong as i thought she was. and that i'm the sister thats never there.

i'd do anything for her to be happy. and i really mean it. it pains me so much to see her crying. and i really want to be there for her. someone should just really stab me to death.

i know i havent been the best sister around. never was. and i am in total guilt about not being with her during her birthday. where was i? i was out with my friends buying materials for something that i've been planning. never really occured to me untill she called me and we had a quarrel over the phone. then i got pissed and she apologised. on the way home, i was holding in, all the tears and ok, silvia caught me tearing. i realised i was the worse kind of sister anyone can have. i deserve to be knocked down and killed. dad called me to bring her out when i came back, but she said she was tired. so here i am. she doesnt blame me but i know i've hurt her cause she was crying when i called her. i dont know, its this mixed up feeling i get.

am i expecting her to be emotionally independent like me? and that i am always ok with being alone but she isnt? she likes to tell me stuff thats happening but i dont tell her anything. am i selfish because i prefer to keep things to myself and i believe that i should solve my own problems?

i feel super duper sucky to be like that. i try and try but i just end up being what i used to be. insensitive, selfish and self centered. i've been taking and not giving. mummy says i'm selfish and she seems dissapointed in me. i never knew me not being there was bothering and meant so much to cindy. maybe she isnt as strong as i thought she was. and that i'm the sister thats never there.

i'd do anything for her to be happy. and i really mean it. it pains me so much to see her crying. and i really want to be there for her. someone should just really stab me to death.